If I Had a Million Dollars

“I realized that the real estate rules in Manhattan are their own.”

If I had a million dollars……I would buy an apartment in Manhattan.

The never-ending search continues for the perfect NYC co-op or condo, for yes, less than one million dollars.

Does it exist? Will my husband and I find it? Once we are there, will we like it? But most of all, can we afford it? The questions are as endless as the quest itself, yet the hunt for that perfect New York apartment is part of the fun.

Fun aside, that ongoing search is also frustrating. Zipping from the Upper East Side to Hell’s Kitchen to the Financial District to view an average of six apartments during open house every Sunday is exhausting, especially after a stressful workweek in New York City.

Those apartments add up pretty quickly too. By number 25, I realized that the real estate rules in Manhattan are their own.

New York City co-op or condo?

“We don’t like your teeth and so we don’t want you to live in our building.”

“No pets, by the way, either. Or at least, no large smelly dogs like yours.”

“And we won’t mention your high-maintenance felines, or that your wife is a gentile.”

In NYC, there is the complete right to deny applicants during the co-op board approval process. Board members can and they do––and they don’t need to provide a reason. In reality, most times the rejection is because of finances (or lack thereof), but it could also be because they don’t approve of your occupation as a pole dancer, a celebrity or an influencer.

Kitties in our Upper East Side apartment.

Most co-op buildings require a minimum of 20 to 25 percent for a down payment, and one to two years of mortgage and maintenance payments in the bank. Hence, our search has been focused on condominiums, which would require just ten percent down. While condos care less about your lifestyle, they are also 25 to 30% more expensive than co-ops, which means one thing in New York City––LESS SPACE.

I might mention that monthly maintenance can run $1,000, $1,500, $2,000 or more per month for a co-op, depending on building location and amenities. However, condos come with both taxes and common charges. Those monthlies will put a serious damper on my monthly fashion budget.

We looked at a Chelsea cooperative that we loved, but it was only 700 square feet. No matter the location in one of my favorite neighborhoods, a sprawling roof deck with an expansive city view, and reasonable price with low monthly maintenance charges, we looked at one another and knew that despite all that this beautiful Art Deco building had to offer, it didn’t offer enough space.

And so, we scratched apartment number 92 off the already dwindling list.

After living in small apartments during my single life, I feel not only the need, but the right to live in more than a cluttered doll house like the 5th-floor walkup in the East Village that offered a maze of tiny, nonsensical rooms. The stairs to the front door were a hazard, falling apart and barely usable. Inside the co-op, it was like something out of a horror movie with a dark stairwell, dirty, finger-printed walls and mismatched apartment doors. But the real estate broker said Allen Ginsberg had lived there at one time and improvements were coming soon. The price? More than $800,000.

Is buying real estate in Manhattan even possible for non-millionaires?

How long will it take to find the right apartment to buy? If we don’t find it, will we be forced to rent indefinitely?

And, so it goes on.

I rush to the door every Saturday morning in anticipation as I retrieve The New York Times to review every Manhattan apartment in the real estate section. I dedicate all free time to scouring the web for new listings. Each property sounds like it’s a better and more livable than the last, until we actually see it. And realize that the apartment is just another dump––another million dollar dump.

But, I am NOT giving up. I am determined.

The perfect piece of Manhattan real estate is out there. This apartment will allow pets. Our future home will be quaint and feel “Old New York” in a charming neighborhood. It will have a washer/dryer and bath large enough for two. Our new place will have enough closet space for my ever-growing New York wardrobe.

And, who knows? It may even be less than a million dollars.